The Star Mangled Spanner

It so happened that I was in the kitchen at the time, dishing up chips and salsa and popping the top on a brewski.  So, I really wasn't paying much attention.  But I still heard it.  About halfway through, I commented to the others, "That sounds terrible!  Who the hell's singing?"
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"Christina Aguilera."
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While not being acquainted with her work, the name was familiar.  Familiar enough that I knew she'd been around awhile and was a professional.  Whoever selects the superbowl singers would not have selected some unknown for the job.  But maybe they should have.  Granted, the song is not at all easy to sing; I'd be embarassed to even try it.  The lyrics are great but oh my god - the melody.
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That said, I do believe Christina baby is capable of singing it well.  I'm not referring to the mangled and skipped words although that, too, was unforgiveable.  No, it was the delivery, the sound of two cats with their tails tied together and draped over a clothesline that pissed me off.  Again!  Same thing happened a few years ago with Roseanne Barr, with only one major difference: the cats were considerably chubbier.
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My patriotism is mostly the understated variety.  I don't wave the flag a lot, don't pound my chest and scream "God bless America!" at every opportunity.  Donating 4 years of my life to the cause - and if not for several miraculous near misses, it would have been life itself - is proof enough that I care.  So, this patriotic venting session is a rarity but vent I will.
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I've had quite enough of the Star Mangling, thank you very much.  It's high time the flaming idiots who select superbowl singers pull their heads out of their aggregated assholes and do it right.  Give the song the respect it deserves, choose someone who can sing the song the way it should be sung, and rehearse it until it's perfect.  I don't give a rat's ass how famous the singer is - or is not - as long as it's nicely done.
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I feel better now.  Thanks for bearing with me.  I'm going to send this to the superbowl organizers.  If you feel the way I do, please let them know about it.