Amputations

Our kitchen came with an unanchored island that appeared to be an afterthought.  Although it had the same granite top as the perimeter cabinets, the sides and back were cheap ass fiber board with fake 'wood' finish that didn't match the built-in cabinets.  The moldings were also mismatched, poorly cut and installed by a drunk or a butcher.  Or drunken butcher.  Or butch drunk.  Except for the granite top it was butt ugly, with capital UGH!

We decided to deep six the UGH but keep the granite top and attach it to a new island that we would buy or build.  We chose the buy option.  Trish wanted a lower work surface so she could sit whilst creating culinary delights but we couldn't find anything the right height.  On to Plan B: buy a table and simply shorten the legs. 

Trish found an unfinished table at IKEA that had nominal 4" square legs.  I proceeded with the quadruple amputation, assuming the legs were solid wood.  Sumbitch!  Damned things were hollow except for the bottom 1.5"; the rest of the leg was nothing more than a square tube with sides 1/4' thick.  I had to do major surgery on the amputated feet and build 'ankle' inserts that could be screwed and glued inside the hollow tubes.  It had to be strong enough to support the 200 pound granite top plus pots and pans plus the occasional sitter - say 400 pounds and change - plus allow for lateral movement without collapsing.  So much for the 'simply shorten' concept.

The finished table looks great and Trish is happy.  Mama happy = everybody happy.  I saved the amputated ankles thinking they'd make good pencil holders or some such.  Flash forward 5 months, I'm heavy into my new acrylic painting hobby and there's those ankles sitting over there.  It's time I slapped some paint on those suckers.  And so it came to pass.

Amputations