Something to Cry About

"Stop crying or I'll give you something to cry about!"  Is there anyone who hasn't heard that one?  I surely did.  Here are some more sayings from my childhood.

Between male siblings:
"Did you fall in?"  Shouted through closed bathroom door.
"Should I throw you a rope?"  Ditto.  (1 bathroom, 8 people.)
"Nice play, Shakespeare!"  Any screw up.
"NSDT"  (No shit, Dick Tracy)  Stating the painfully obvious.
"You're cruisin' for a bruisin.'"  Oops, too much smart mouth.
"Your voice is changing but your breath smells the same."  Fart.
"Useless as tits on a boar."  Didn't do it right - or not at all.
"Gag a maggot."  Nasty food, smell, whatever.
"Puke a snake."  Ditto
"Your barn door's open."  Unzipped fly.


From Mom to us kids:
"You're a naughty piece of cheese."  When being mischievous.  Never heard that one anywhere else, no google results.  Huh?
"You're gonna have a lot to answer for."  You did something bad and your purgatory time just got extended.  Again.  Oh, well.
"Kids in China are starving."  Okay, ship it over there, I hate it.
"What's the rating?"  Couldn't watch any movie not approved for kids by the Catholic church. 
"Go wash your mouth out with soap."  Said a bad word.  Yuk! 
"If it was a snake, it'd bite you."  Look again, dummy.
"Go soak your head."  Actually did that once.  Didn't help.
"You could grow potatoes in there."  Dirty ears en route to church, followed by spit bath.  Ew!

From Dad to us kids:
"Are you cracked?"  Did something stupid.  
"I said so.  That's why!"  No explanation needed. 
"Sit there and be quiet."  He invented 'time outs.' 
"Were you born in a barn?"  Left the door open.

Personal favorites I still use occasionally: 
"People in hell want ice water."
"Go suck an egg."
"We went to different high schools together."
"10 pounds of shit in a 5 pound bag."