Are You Cracked?

I haven't heard anyone ask that question for 60 years.  My dad was the asker, never heard anyone else ask the question.  Ever the subtle, understated and soft-spoken guy (not), it was his method of informing you that whatever you were doing, or intended to do, was asinine.

An informal definition of the word 'cracked', is nuts, crazy, insane, deranged.

No family member ever responded to the question.  Certainly not me.  What were you gonna say?  "Damned right!"  "No, are you?"  Uh uh!  Talking back to The Man was not in one's best interests if you get my drift.  There came a time though, that I could have responded with a simple and truthful, "Yup!"

I'd just turned 11 and had received a cap gun, holster and western motif shirt for my birthday.  The shirt had my name on it.  Damn, I was cool!  I just had to show off my outfit to one and all.  One and all included a couple of guys who'd bought some grain and were shoveling it into a trailer in our granary the day after my birthday.  I donned my gear, moseyed on over to the granary, climbed into the back of the trailer and proceeded to strut my stuff.

The strutting came to an abrupt halt when I lost my balance, fell backwards off the trailer and landed on my head on the concrete floor.  I was in and out of consciousness, barfing my guts out.  It appeared unlikely the young gunslinger would be up for his duel with Black Bart on main street at high noon the next day.

Dad hauled me off to hospital where they did x-rays.  Diagnosis: fractured skull, big crack right up the middle in back.  The doc, wondering if indeed I was cracked the other way, asked me my name.

I was still wearing that shirt with my name on it.  I pointed to the shirt and replied, "My name is Mike!  Can't you read?"  Doc figured I would be okay, then - aside from being a smart ass little shit, a condition he probably diagnosed as being incurable (and he was right).

Doc gave me an ultimatum, "You have to spend the next 6 weeks flat on your back while your head heals up.  If you can't do that, we'll have to bolt your head down."  I quickly chose the no-bolt option.

Finally, I had a response to the question, "Are you cracked?"