Big Red F

Dick and Jane.  Baby Sally.  Spot.  Those characters need no introduction to most folks my age.  For the benefit of younger blog readers: Dick and Jane books were written for grammar school kids who were just learning how to read.  They were simple texts that introduced new words and had illustrations showing the thing or activity associated with the word.  A typical page might have a picture of a boy running with these words below the picture: Dick.  See Dick.  See Dick run.  Challenging stuff!

Dick and Jane quickly became tiny specks in my rear view mirror.  A voracious reader from the get-go, I devoured the books in the grade school library.  My 5th grade teacher said I should write book reports.  The idea appealed to me: extra credit plus attractive milestone certificates for doing 50 reports, 100 reports, and so on.

My reports were written in cursive on a single sheet of wide-lined paper, with the name of the book and the author at the top.  Most of my story summaries were short and succinct: 3 sentences, main character, plot, ending, sign it, hand it in, read another book.

After several reports, my teacher said that I shouldn't tell the entire story. She said I should leave readers wondering about the ending, curious enough to want to read the book themselves.  Her advice was not well-received, I'm afraid.  It irritated me that my best efforts to retell the story in just a few words fell short of the mark.  My next report, in response to the teacher's advice, was the shortest I'd ever written.  It was one sentence long: "If you want to know what this book is about, read it."

You can probably guess what happened next.  The teacher returned my book report the next day, complete with a big red 'F' in the upper right corner.  It was my first F ever, also my last.

My ability to gracefully accept constructive criticism has improved in the interim, but honestly - not all that much.