Dumbass

One of the most enjoyable aspects of our summer travels is campfires.  Whether cooking over them, roasting marshmallows (Trish’s thing, not mine) or just sitting and enjoying the ambiance, they’re great.  We have campfires every 2^nd or 3rd night, and use them for cooking more often than not.  We carry various racks and baskets that are adaptable to nearly any campfire configuration.  The cooking is mostly limited to entrees.

There are dozens of styles of ‘fire rings’, some are basic, some are elegant, some are cleverly designed, some are designed by dummies.  Our current campsite has one of the latter variety.  In this case, I suspect the designer was the winner of a competition among homeless street people in New York City.  On the other hand, maybe it was the loser of said competition.  Why do I think this?  Because it’s a fire barrel, not a fire ring.  We’ve all seen pix of shabbily dressed New Yorkers warming their hands around fire barrels back in the Great Depression.

This damned thing is 3’ high!  Sure, you can build a fire in it.  But you have to stand all the time to see it or cook over it.  Can’t see shit from your camp chair.  If you had bar stools you’d be okay but darn few RVs come with bar stools.  Yup, the designer was a dumbass.  He or she has likely gone to his/her final reward long since.  I hope that reward includes being forced to sit in a low chair beside a fire barrel 24/7 - and eating raw hamburgers.

Besides having to stand to cook, you have to work directly over the fire instead of beside it.  All the heat and smoke rises straight up, right into your face.  And, you have to reach down into the heat and smoke to accomplish the cooking task.  It's best to have a gas mask and respirator for cooking, also asbestos gloves and a fireman's flameproof coat.  So, add this to the above final reward: 15 minutes of every hour must be spent hunkered directly over the fire barrel.  And another thing: no mayo or catsup on the hamburger!  You get the raw burger and a bun, that's it.  Dumbass!