Seasons

LHC seasons aren't your traditional 4.  There are 3 main seasons and one sub season.  Here 's a description of each one.

Snowbird
November through March.  It's a massive infestation of migratory Wobblies and Q-tips* from northern states and provinces.  Most of them come via highway and it takes them a very long time to get here because their top speed is 15 MPH.  Upon arrival they immediately clog up streets and supermarket aisles, much like hairballs clog up the drain in your bathroom sink. 

Shoulder
This is a two part season: April/May and September/October. It's a quiet time, a breather between the Snowbird and Heat! crowds.  You can drive the streets at normal speeds. You can do the grocery shopping without encountering roadblocks of shopping carts parked sideways in the aisles by Mr Oblivious and his cronies, while they conduct their monthly cost comparison of Depends vs Brand X. You can take pleasant walks along the London Bridge channel without having your eardrums blown by roaring boats and blaring music.

Heat!
June through August.  It's party hearty on the water time: sunburn and boats, silicon and steroids, ink and bling.  And beer.  Lots of beer.  Most partiers are vacationers from southern Cal and I guarantee you their en route speed exceeds 15 MPH.  Trish and I, like most of the retired folks who live here, leave town during Heat!  It's the beat feet and cheat the heat retreat, heading north a thousand miles or so to hang out where it's much cooler.

Spawning
This is the sub season; it occurs in March.  Spring breakers from all over the country flock into town to strut their stuff, tout their wares and drink.  And spawn.  Throbbing boat motors, throbbing rap music, throbbing glands.  The pollen count along the channel is horrendous.  Lots of young local folk polish up their boats, don their best water rags and join the melee, hoping to get lucky, maybe add some diversification to the gene pool.  It's entertaining to watch.  Some retired people like myself go down to the channel occasionally, taking folding chairs, snacks and a couple of cold ones to observe the mating rituals for awhile.

*Q-tips are seniors with both white hair and white tennis shoes.  Being a senior myself, it's okay to poke fun at them/us and ignore the political incorrectness of doing so.  Besides, as you've probably guessed, I'm not a fan of PC.  To me the PC movement is a group of twits desperately seeking new and creative ways to be offended so they can point accusing fingers at the alleged offenders and holler, 'Gotcha!'

Don't get me wrong: I detest bigotry in general and I try to be unbiased.  But, lets face it: humans are tribal by nature and it's not limited to ethnicity.  What are gangs, religions and political parties and on and on - if not manifestations of our tribal tendencies?  It's part of our programming and it's not going away anytime soon.  The best we can do is understand that we're bent that way, try to rise above it and avoid pointing fingers.